Stop doing your best
Oh boy! So this is such a crazy and annoying and glorious journey that I have been on. And my latest realization is the absolute need to STOP doing the best we can. Now this goes against so many personal beliefs and teachings and I KNOW that it probably is making peoples skin crawl to hear it. But oh my, it is so damn necessary for peace and happiness. Call it society, the church or our parents that have put this unhealthy mantra into our brains. If it makes you truly and whole heartedly happy, then by all means keep doing your best. But, if you find yourself with thoughts of doubt and anxiety and guilt like me, PLEASE stop doing your best and just do enough.
Last week my darling family and I got back from our family vacation. We went on a long road trip to Northern California and Oregon. It was fantastic. Great memories made and some lessons learned too. We saw the redwoods which I dare say are one of the most spectacular natural wonders I have ever seen. I know that God must be real based off the magnitude of those remarkable trees alone (not to mention other astonishing things in life). We spent many hours at different beaches, tide pools and thoroughly enjoyed all the outdoor activities we could find. We spent the first part of our trip on the coast and then drove a few hours inland to Oregon for the last few days.
On our drive to Oregon we came across road construction. There was a woman talking to each car telling them that the only route was closed for the next hour. I asked if we should go waste time at the beach and come back and was told why that would not work. The road would be opened and closed all day so we better go get our place in line amongst the other cars. So we did. While we were sitting with little cell reception my hubby and I began chatting. I am not sure what triggered my thoughts but I told him how much I hate the phrase “do your best”. Then I began (what felt like a near impossible task), to explain what I meant by that. You see, I am one who loves a clean home, I love the yard being awesome, I love my daughters hair looking adorable and I NEVER will leave my house without makeup. Even if I am staying home all day I must put my makeup on and get ready, I feel better doing this. However there are limits I have reached and the concept of doing our best is something that I have grown to despise for me. I started to explain this loathe for the phrase by using swearing as an example. I am very aware 99% of the time that I am going to swear, but I still swear. So my best would be to not ever swear again. I am positive that I could control this (control master here), I am positive that I could stop. However that feels daunting. As I explained to my husband that “my best” was within reach on many aspects of life and that I could fully be better in almost each category, I began crying lots. I probably took him off guard hahahaha. I could for sure have a cleaner house, I for sure could eat less sugar, I could for sure stop swearing, I could for sure check so many of these boxes……..and “do my best”. My hubby sat there and though he doesn’t say much he almost always says what I need to hear in these moments. He said that that is what the atonement is for. That no matter what I do I will NEVER do enough (makes ya wanna throw in the towel right now don’t it? Lol). Hearing him actually vocalize this truth that I already knew lead me to my new mantra, “do enough”. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders for good. I will never again do my best, because my best is too much for me. I will though do enough. I will never teach my children that they must do their best either. To me that phrase is just asking for anxiety and unrealistic expectations of ourselves. I will teach myself and my kids to do enough and to work hard. So instead of saying “did you do your best?” I will say “did you work hard and feel good with your efforts, are you happy with where you are and the final project?”. Now some may be saying that its all the same, but its not. When Jesus created the world I do not recall the Father ever asking Him, “did you do your best?”. If memory serves me right (which good chance it doesn’t hahaha) Jesus was told “It is good” and then told to go rest after 6 days.
I am so much happier saying that I have no intention of doing my best hahahahaha. I do have every intention of working hard to support and love my hubby. I will strive to have patience with my children and make sure they know that they are so loved and encouraged to try hard in what they choose to do. I want myself and my family to find joy in goals we set, in tasks we complete and memories that we make. I will set an example to my kids to weigh out options to make a better decision than perhaps they’d feel inclined to make. We will be a family that works hard and tries to be loving to those we encounter, we will try to be like Jesus in deed and in thought. We will strive, we will try, we will work and we will play, we will let the power of the atonement make us our best at some point. I would encourage everyone to not teach people to do their best, for some it is too heavy and will steal their peace. Like many things in this gospel, our best and perfection does not come in this life, so we will wait. We will become our best one day and be enough today.