Think if you will about your mission (if you served one, I did not). Why did you? Were you forced? Felt obligated? Went because you felt a testimony to go? Did you love it? Why did you love it? How did you measure success? What would you change?
I know we all have the opportunity to share the gospel. That is awesome. I am glad that people have felt comfortable to ask me questions. Perhaps my not so serious approach has been a good thing. Often I’ve felt inadequate to share anything because I am no scriptorian (spell check has no idea what word I am trying to spell LOL, I hope you know what I am trying to say) and feel like a duh da duh in Sunday school (any other duh da duhs out there? You refuse to even raise your hand because you cant keep up with Mr. Scripture sitting in the front row?LOL). Well that’s me. I fo sho cannot recite the Book of Mormon or even back up my ideas with scripture references. But does that actually matter? I am gonna say NO. So what does matter? If this is the gospel of “Good News” then I am gonna try my darndest to figure out what that means and my ability to know scripture references to back me up probs is not what will help someone wanna know more of this good news, right? It is my happiness in this good news that will make others want to be a part of it, and well I have been miserable in it because of being so uptight. I actually think the fact that it has been a year since we sat in church or been around fellow earthlings is what brought me clarity on my semi butt face views. I have not had my uptight ways validated through hearing other comments at church. I have been on my own to listen to my own thoughts. And though I agree with anyone who thinks I have a few loose screws, I have gained incredible perspective. Example, I have a loved one who will correct someone for using the word “Lucky”. If you were to say that you were lucky that someone caught you when you were slipping on ice, they would correct you and say “no, you were blessed”. Kinda makes ya not want to discuss anything with them because they have this way of making everything a discussion of religious basis. This was all very normal to me. Or if you forget to say a prayer for a meal they will say “I guess you are not thankful”. Now I know this person has a tremendously good heart, but it does not motivate someone to do good who feels that they messed up by saying the word Lucky instead of blessed. I know this person will never change, like ever, but perhaps these examples could help each of us reflect on if our righteousness is helping or hurting. I am very happy for those who have found a happy religious balance, and for those who are still looking, be so happy that you are. A life of feeling wrong is not what God intended…..I have to tell myself this often and its not that I believe it, but I have trust in loved ones that do believe it.
So……those of you who are super strong in this church carry a lot of weight on you, like legit. Both members and non members are aware that you are truly converted. What you say matters. How you treat others matters. It is SO easy for me to look at someone who shares the greatest comments in church and think that they really have it all together. And honestly if you give out that vibe you better be ready to live up to your vibe. There is a guy from the ward we just moved from that I KNOW has a great testimony, and he is SO SO SO kind. Like loves people, I do not feel judged by him at all. He helped us move a few months ago and said that my hubby had a bitchin’ camaro. My mouth dropped (in my brain), I was so surprised to hear that word come out of his mouth, but you know what? I had ZERO judgment towards him because he always had made us feel important. Now if other people would have said that that were “super righteous” in appearance and unkind or judgy or acted holier than others in church comments, it would have been easier for me to think something bad by them using the word bitchin’ even though that word does not bother me. Get my gist? If you are gonna act like you are perfect, then you better damn well be perfect. Maybe it would be better to cut the front you are putting up in front of others and just be REAL. Be open about your faults, stop trying to stand for righteuousness when its not needed. Yes there are times that haters need to be asked to stop, there are times when people are truly disrespectful in comments about the church and if someone is then by all means, kindly ask them to stop. But when someone is simply just being a human, then let it go and just love them. My brother knows someone who was at a general authorities home in a group setting. This guy smokes. This guy went to leave the home because he did not want to offend anyone with his smoking. Guess what the general authority did? Asked the guy to stay and went and sat in the backyard with him while he smoked his cigarette. The general authority easily could have taken this situation to make a point that smoking was against the word of wisdom, but instead he asked him not to leave and sat there with him as he smoked. GUYS THAT IS SHOWING CHRISTLIKE LOVE. Also we need to find the right opportunity to let someone know our faith. I had someone at work who was new ask if I wanted a coffee when they were going on their coffee run. I simply said “no thanks”, while my other fellow co-worker said “we are Mormon”, I wanted to drop kick them. AHHHHHHH. What the crap? I never offer to buy drinks for people hahaha and here this generous person was offering and this member saw it as a good moment to belittle them?! I am sure we all have stories like these. We are to be a peculiar people not a pricky people. If someone offers a beer or coffee PLEASE OH PLEASE just say “no thanks” or “I would love a soda, thank you so much!”. (where are the emojis for bloggers because I totally need some face palms and hearts, and quite possibly the one that bleeps out the mouth).
Something to ponder. Do we purposely try to only surround ourselves and our families around members? It is more than ok to enjoy the company of like minded people (I love spending time with fellow dog lovers because they just get me), but are we being closed off to people of other beliefs? How on earth can we spread good news if we don’t go around others who have the wrong impression of the good news? It is so important for our own growth and others that we are friends with good people regardless of faith. I do know that no parent in or out of the church wants their child to be friends with a shizzy kid and that is just being a watchful parent. But guess what? Not all Mormons are actually good people and not all non members are going to drag others down. A very wise friend of mine (he is a grandpa) raised his children to be friends with the non members, less active, smoking and “not as righteous” people because those are who Christ walked among. The poor in spirit. They are who need the good news. This wise friend of mine is the father of a set of sisters that I am friends with. I talk to him weekly as of late. The first time I met him at 16 years old he hugged me and loved me like a daughter. He LOVES everyone. He LOVES the Lord. His light of LOVE would make people WANT to know about his faith. As a teenager he told me that if I ever needed to talk that he would talk to me about anything free of judgement. He said the word “sex” in front of me and his girls when we were talking about boys (that was an inappropriate word at my house) and that he would answer any question we may have about it because he would rather us ask him than some idiot. I hope my kids have someone like him if they ever feel that they cannot talk to us. I have told him that I have thought about leaving the church, I have told him all of my concerns. He texts me just to tell me that he loves me. I know that if I walked away that his love would not change for me, but I know he will not let me walk away without a fight. He sees people, he sees their pain and he sees their hearts. So lets follow his example and purposely find people that need us free of judgement in or out of the church. You may not bring them to Jesus but all Jesus asked was that you Love others as He loves you! Don’t look for people with the intent to get them more active or to get them baptized. Find friends. Find people who are lonely who need your friendship, they are everywhere. I am lonely hahaha. If we show zero interest in someone but then all of the sudden decide it is time for us to be missionaries so we gotta find that non member down the street to check off a to do, that is kind of a butt face move. Be friends with people because you WANT to (also why I am anti asking someone if they are LDS because WHY would that matter in a friendship….how ‘bout we just become friends and let religion naturally be brought up in the future sometime). This may sound crazy, and perhaps the fact that I grew up in a home with a mother that is a member and a father that is not I can see this. When people found out that my dad was not a member there was a pity that they had for me, I was the girl with the non member dad. It was as if he was broken and needed to be fixed. And yes as much as that may be true (we are all a bit broken), my family and dad became a project and the friendships felt fake. I understand that people who love the gospel just want to share it, and that is good. BUT there is a time and place when it is appropriate. Missionaries would often come to our house and my dad really enjoyed talking to them. There was one in particular that we all LOVED. He was from Europe where my dad is from and so naturally they bonded. Now most missionaries did not give my dad much time once they realized that he was not interested in religion but in just visiting and I cannot fault them for moving on. But one day our fav missionary was there at our house and we were having such a great time. His companion however was not. When his companion realized that this meeting was more of a social one than a religious one he said to our fav missionary “Elder we need to go, we are on the Lords time”. WHAT???????????????????? My heart sank. Was my dad no longer worth the visit because it was not going to turn into a baptism? I still have a pit in my stomach writing this memory. We did not see our fav missionary after this visit. Wouldn’t you think “the Lords time” would be well spent making someone feel valued and loved. Now I understand that young missionaries do need to be aware of time etc, and so in this situation I do give a bit more leeway to him. I just hope that we are not fellowshipping people just to check a box, and if they never never decide to discuss religion that we are still very much engaged in a loving friendship. A handful of people are aware of my doubts right now. Some have been so great, telling me that they don’t care if I stay in the church, that we are friends first and foremost. Some are super concerned and offer kind words. And some avoid the topic with me, offering no encouragement and a continuation of pushing church stuff at me. If I tell them WHAT I am struggling with they change the subject, but they will gladly bring religion up in almost each conversation in a preachy way. They just don’t want to hear me say anything that could be negative about religion. I do not fault anyone in how they respond to me, but I do however want to remember the feelings that I get from each in order to help my response to others. So there you have ONE part of my epiphany….the other part goes into how we treat people who we do interact with, or are related to. Oh goodness there are some giant jerks out there. And we all have been that jerk at some point Im sure. We do not know others hearts. Period. Even if we are close to them we do not know all there is to know. It would be wise and safe to assume that everyone is hurting. Everyone. Even if you live with someone and see them daily, assume that they have something that is causing anxiety for them and TREAT THEM AS SUCH. Raise your hand if the people that have been the worst to you are related to you? Family is a big part of the pie when someone leaves the church. And this is NOT why God created family units. If someone is walking the line of staying in or getting out and their super active loved one is a jerk to them , that really can be the breaking point. I have seen this. When someone is already questioning their belief and then they have a jerky brother who is in the church be unkind, it makes them not want to be part of it. I never ever ever want to be what pushes someone away from God. If you feel you have hurt someone then just own it. This is a tough one especially when you feel they have hurt you too. It is quite possible that you are both to blame. It is also possible that you are just not a good fit together. Salt and sugar are both delicious, but you probably wouldn’t put salt on a grapefruit. It is better to walk away in respect than storm away in anger. We are not always going to see eye to eye with family, and instead of causing resentment and pain choose to walk away. Not everything needs to be discussed and you do not need to be heard. Someone must be the peacemaker, strive to let it be you. Don’t engage in hurt, and cheer for the underdog. This is where you will find peace. This is where the problem will stop. It is ok to question our upbringings, parents are as imperfect as me or you. They do not always get it right. Generation after generation have had problems being kind in some families or have taught their posterity not so great traits. Be the one to break the butt face cycle and realize that grandma was wrong. No one should only be remembered for their faults, so be kind in your thoughts about grandma. But it is ok to realize if teachings have been wrong and to not justify our behaviors because dad or grandma did it. Be kind to yourself in these wonderments, don’t be afraid to self assess, it is something that we all need to do often and in a loving way to ourselves knowing that if we make tweaks it will be for our good.
Thank you for reading.